Fortaleza fan fest fun: a critical evaluation

20140625-104307-38587808.jpgFan fests – what are they like?

Kharkiv two years ago in Ukraine was dominated by the Dutch, who brought their oompah songs, orange boiler suits and their shtrange anticsh that would probably be banned in any other country.

It was much more fun than the game that followed.

In Kyiv, the Red Foxes proved popular. You might like this:

That last bit was when I fell over.

Germany 2006 was a boozers’ paradise. Drink, watch telly, talk football, wear stupid wig. Just like being on your sofa really.

Me and Haverfordwest Huw decided to sample all on offer at Fortaleza just before Brazil v Cameroon.

Location

On the beach. Probably safest place in Fortaleza. Lots of police around trying to look mean and succeeding, while  frisking random groups of Brazilians. Not so much the Copacabana as the Coppercabana.
9/10

Coca Cola

Fortaleza fan fest
Swansea City fan Huw gets het up for the Coca Cola stand

The makers of burpy gutrot, rather predictably, have the biggest ‘stall’.

Split into two teams. You run on the spot for about ten seconds and a video game type thing decides which team is victorious. You get a temporary Coca Cola tatto and an inflatable hand which one bloke starting spanking his girlfriend with.

Here´s the mob before us. We gave it 4/10.

Brahma

20140623-170805-61685375.jpg
Yep, dress up as a beer can. Tripe.

20140623-170805-61685129.jpg
This looked handy – a sort of bagatelle game.

Manned by a bollock-scratching Brazilian. Three others nattering nearby. Not scratching, just chatting. “Come back after the game,” he said. Probably because by then he would have finished counting his bollocks.

Pathetic.

0/10 from us both.

Oi

Not the yobboes’ greeting but a phone company. ‘Oi’ doesn’t mean ‘Oi!’ in English. It comes from the Portuguese for ‘Hi’. So, ‘Oi linda’ means ‘Hello gorgeous’. ‘Oi Linda linda’ means ‘Hello gorgeous Linda’.

So you line up for a picture where hats and wacky specs are superimposed on your features. In my case that gratifyingly improves the outcome for me. Win, win, win, win, win!

Fortaleza fan fest Brasil 2014

I think the above proves the point

4/10

Sony

 

Fortaleza fanfest
Oi, oi, keep your eyes on the ball now. And aren´t they the best boots of the World Cup so far?

No wonder Japan have headed home on the early Honda to oblivion. Their demise isn´t just limited to football.

Sony´s stand is a metaphor for all that´s wrong in the world today.

Queue for ten minutes. Kick ball at target, see if you win a prize. Technology from the 70s recycled for 21st century mugs.

Not that I´m a bad loser,  but I didn´t win. Nor did anyone else and about 20 people had a kick. You don´t mind not winning as long as the five-year-old behind you scores and goes home with a CD or gizmo feeling like he´s met Santa Claus and that he was Pele or Neymar or Chris Gunter for a microsecond.

Sony, didn´t you invent all sorts of techy stuff that wowed the world that I didn´t buy because I still listen to vinyl LPs?

You need to start making record players. They´re the future.

-10/10

Hyundai

Fortaleza fanfest
Get those balls in the hole!

I like Hyundai cos they flew me and a mate to Germany 2006 when I won a competition they ran. They’ve come up with an OK here. Football pool.

Huge queue for a long game so we didn’t play but we wanted to and that was a first. Winner gets T-shirt not some plastic rubbish.

7/10 each.

Some bank

Bankers don’t mess around. They know they have no imagination so why not chuck money at a professional and get them to do the show while you’re smoking cigars and swigging whiskey with a bunch of rat-faced 50-year-old boring golfers just like you.

Too ill to risk for me. Huw had to leave. These things usually popular, so 6/10.20140623-171036-61836062.jpg

Overall verdict

6/10 we reckon. Fly the Red Foxes, and it this would be more popular than Rio.

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One thought on “Fortaleza fan fest fun: a critical evaluation

  1. Ade, read all your blogs (and a few of your old ones).

    Met you outside Amsterdam station whilst eating your lunch/breakfast. Can you top this blog?

    Like

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